


That's It! We're Getting A Tower!

by Lady_Blade_WarAngel



Series: Adventures of The Crazy [10]
Category: A Song of Ice and Fire & Related Fandoms, A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Building a Tower, Crack, Crazy Rapunzel Kidnap Plot, Evil Genius Baby, F/M, Insanity, energy drinks, overprotective dad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-12
Updated: 2015-01-12
Packaged: 2018-03-07 06:05:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,198
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3164075
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lady_Blade_WarAngel/pseuds/Lady_Blade_WarAngel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jaime is being way too overprotective of his little girl. Brienne is extremely sceptical. The new baby is way too much like Tywin for anybody's liking.</p>
            </blockquote>





	That's It! We're Getting A Tower!

**Author's Note:**

> Okay this is complete crack. It's not to be taken seriously. I hope that everyone gets a laugh out of it.

That’s It! We’re Getting A Tower!

xXxXxXxXxXxXx

Brienne had just finished feeding Arthur. He was a good quiet baby. Brienne wondered if he would take after her a bit more. Brienne had just put Arthur into his little bouncer seat and sat at the kitchen table, when Galladon came into the kitchen.

“Hey Mum!” Galladon said cheerfully. Arthur merely gazed at his older brother, much like a king gazing upon the peasants, before he closed his eyes, seemingly ready for a nap. Brienne got a cold chill, creeping down her spine, wondering if Arthur would end being far too much like his grandfather. She looked at Galladon.

“How was school?” Brienne asked him.

“School was fine Mum. Wait a sec! It’s way too quiet in here.” Galladon said. Brienne hated to admit that she had the exact same misgivings.

“Well, it’s been peaceful most of the day. Your Dad went to pick up Arianne from Elia’s house. So I’m sure any second now-” Just as Brienne was about to finish that sentence, the front door slammed.

“I am _not_ a baby anymore Dad! I can talk to boys without you turning into some medieval dad!” Arianne yelled.

“While you live in my house, you live under my rules, young lady!” Jaime yelled back. Arianne came storming into the kitchen, her face bright red with anger, and her eyes blazing like fresh wildfire. Brienne wanted to sigh, or roll her eyes, or both. But of course none of that would help. Jaime came storming into the kitchen as well. Brienne could see Jaime was just as furious as his daughter.

“What is going on?” Brienne asked. Jaime and Arianne started yelling at the same time. Arthur opened his eyes again, looked at his family, again as though he were assessing the rabble of Fleabottom, then closed his eyes again. He was completely unfazed by the goings on in the kitchen.

“Wow! One at a time! Please! You’re both making my head hurt!” Galladon exclaimed. Both Arianne and Jaime glared then, and Brienne wondered if being married to Jaime was like having six children instead of five. She gave Arianne and Jaime a look.

“Out with it. Arianne, you first. Spit it out.” Brienne said.

“Dad completely humiliated me in front of Elia and Rhaego Targaryen!” Arianne exclaimed.

“That boy had his hands all over our little girl!” Jaime exclaimed back.

“He was giving me a hug! He wasn’t screwing me in public!” Arianne yelled.

“What’s screwing?” Brienne groaned inwardly as she looked at her twin daughters. It was Joanna that had spoken. Galladon looked around the room.

“Uhm... hey you two! Let’s go and watch _The Lion King_ upstairs!” Galladon said. The twins stared at him.

“But... you didn’t answer the-” Alysanne made to say, but Galladon put a finger over her mouth in a shushing motion.

“Come on. Maybe we can watch _Finding Nemo_ afterwards.” Galladon said. The twins grinned brightly as they ran up the stairs and looked at his parents and older sister. “I’m no longer part of this discussion. If you want an impartial view, ask Arthur. He’ll just look at you like you ascended from the sewers, like how Grandpa Tywin looks when Aunt Cersei says something stupid, and then he’ll go back to sleep, but at least he has the same reaction to everyone. Apart from Grandpa. He _loves_ grandpa.” Galladon stated. Then he left the kitchen and Brienne looked at Arianne and Jaime again.

“Mum! He totally embarrassed me!” Arianne said.

“You lied and said it was only going to be you and the girls there, and this is _not_ the first time you’ve done it!” Jaime shot back irritably.

“What? Are you stalking me now?” Arianne asked. Jaime looked slightly sheepish. Brienne groaned outwardly then.

“Oh God, please Jaime, please tell me you’ve not been stalking our daughter.” Brienne said, almost pleadingly. Jaime spluttered.

“Of course I haven’t!” Jaime exclaimed. Brienne let out a sigh of relief. “Why would I, when I can hire a private detective?” Jaime added. Brienne just allowed her head to drop into her arms, on the table, while she shook it.

“Jaime, you cannot hire private detectives to stalk your teenage daughter!” Brienne exclaimed.

“I can when my teenage daughter is lying to us.” Jaime said firmly.

“What did she lie about? Were her friends not at Elia’s house?” Brienne asked.

“Well... they were, but so was _he!_ That evil little Rhaego trying to get his dragon horselord claws into our baby!” Jaime exclaimed. Brienne sighed.

“What are you talking about?” Brienne asked.

“His mother is Daenerys Targaryen. His father is some Dothraki Khal, called Drogo. They do this whole mixed culture arrangement. Apparently, they’re married, but because Drogo doesn’t have a last name, Daenerys kept hers. Besides, that woman is evil! Evil I tell you Brienne! Her son is trying to steal our daughter!” Jaime exclaimed.

“Dad, _Rhaego_ is _not_ stealing me! I’m _not_ a wilding of old! _He’s_ not a wildling of old! He’s a perfect gentleman whenever I see him!” Arianne said. Jaime crossed his arms over his chest, and stared down at his sixteen year old daughter. The top of her head reached his nose, so he could still do that, just about.

“Arianne, you don’t know what teenage boys are like. I do. I was a teenage boy once. They have one thing on their minds, and you are _not_ doing any of the things associated with that one thing until I die.” Jaime stated.

“The way you’re going, that could happen any minute. Your temper will give you a heart attack.” Arianne shot back.

“Do not get cheeky with me young lady! You lied to me and your mother!” Jaime exclaimed. Arianne glared.

“You’re supposed to trust that I’ll do the right thing!” Arianne yelled.

“How can we trust you when you lie to us?” Jaime yelled back.

“Will you both calm down?” Brienne asked.

“ **No!** ” They both yelled back and Brienne sighed.

“I’m _not_ going to stay some pure virginal Silent Sister for the rest of my days Dad!” Arianne exclaimed.

“You are if I say you are!” Jaime shot back. Arianne stamped her foot in a rage.

“Ooooooooh! You just try! I am _not_ going to be a Silent Sister!” Arianne yelled.

“They have Septa Schools you know! In fact, that’s what we’ll do! Brienne! We’re sending Arianne to an all girl’s Septa School up North! Septa Mordane’s academy for girls might still have some openings!” Jaime stated firmly.

“I am not going to an all girl’s school!” Arianne yelled.

“Jaime they do not have any openings until next year. You already checked the last two times we had this conversation.” Brienne stated.

“You checked openings to send me to a Septa’s School?” Arianne screamed. Arthur opened his eyes, looked at his family, gave them all a gurgle of irritation, and then closed his eyes again.

“And I also told you that I am not sending Arianne to a Septa’s School for Girls. She’s our daughter, not a fosterling to go to a Motherhouse.” Brienne added. Arianne seemed to sigh in relief.

“Well it’s Septa School, or a tower.” Jaime said.

“A tower?” Arianne questioned.

“Jaime, that is ridiculous. You know Arianne is going to be an adult eventually.” Brienne said.

“Yeah Dad. One day I might end up married and completely bonkers like you.” Arianne added.

“That’s it! We’re getting a tower!” Jaime exclaimed.

“Jaime, do not be ridiculous! Where are you going to get a _tower_ from? They don’t just have catalogues where you can order them, you know.” Brienne said.

“I will build it with my own two hands!” Jaime exclaimed.

“How much Red Bull have you been drinking today?” Brienne asked.

“I will build it, and there will be no door. There will be one window, and we will send food up every day. Arianne will live there until I die, or she takes a vow with the Silent Sisters.” Jaime said.

“I’ll climb out of the window.” Arianne said.

“That’s why I’m cutting your hair short.” Jaime said.

“You are not. Even if you did, Rhaego’s hair is long enough to let me escape.” Arianne said nonchalantly.  

“Of course I am, and if Rhaego turns up, I’ll cut his hair off too. Now where are the scissors?” Jaime asked, looking at Brienne. Arianne stared in shock as Jaime began looking for the scissors.

“Jaime, you are not cutting off Arianne’s hair, and you are not building a tower in our front garden, to lock up our daughter, like some modern day Rapunzel!” Brienne exclaimed, as Jaime pulled out a pair of blue handled scissors out of a draw.

“Come here Arianne, it won’t hurt.” Jaime stated. Arianne screamed like a banshee then. Then Arthur opened his eyes, looked at them all, and started wailing himself. Brienne sighed.

“Jaime, put those damn scissors back in the draw, you are not cutting off Arianne’s hair. Arianne, go to your room, we’re going to discuss your lying to us later.” Brienne said. Arianne nodded and ran before Jaime could say another word. Brienne picked up Arthur. Jaime was still holding the scissors. “Jaime! Put! Down! The! Scissors!” Brienne exclaimed as she leaned Arthur on her shoulder and gently rocked him. He seemed to calm down. Jaime blinked.

“But Brienne, the Dothraki are violent and predatory, and _people die at their weddings!_ ” Jaime almost pleaded.

“Jaime, I swear to God, if you’ve been drinking Red Bull today, you’re sleeping on the couch. If this is some crazy father reaction, you need to snap out of it. Arianne is a teenage girl and nothing makes a boy more attractive to a teenage girl, than if they know their father hates him.” Brienne said. Jaime sighed and sat down. “Let me guess, the rush is gone now?” Brienne asked.

“I didn’t drink Red Bull.” Jaime said, pouting.

“Then you must have been drinking Rockstar or Monster.” Brienne shot back.

“A little from column A and a little from column B.” Jaime replied.

“Jaime, no more energy drinks for you. As in ever.” Brienne said. Jaime shrugged.

“I still think we should send Arianne to an all girl’s school.” Jaime said.

“Oh? And what makes you say that?” Brienne asked.

“She can’t find any boys there.” Jaime replied.

“She can find girls there Jaime. That’s all she needs if she wants to get romantically involved with anyone just to make you angry.” Brienne said. Jaime’s eyes went wide.

“Are you telling me that sending Arianne to a girl’s school might turn her Lesbian?” Jaime asked in horror. “Not that there’s anything wrong with being a Lesbian, but really?” Jaime added.

“She might turn Bi. Then she’ll live a polygamous relationship with Rhaego and Elia Targaryen, so no matter whom she marries, she’ll become a dragon.” Brienne stated. Jaime shook his head, his eyes wide in horror.

“No! Okay! I’ll forget about the all girl’s school. But the tower is still a good idea.” Jaime said. Brienne left the kitchen still rocking Arthur.

“No way Jaime.” Brienne stated as she left.

“But think of all the mileage we’d get out of it. I mean Arianne can live in there, and then the twins can live in there, and if we have another girl in a couple of years, she can live in there too!” Jaime exclaimed, his voice following Brienne up the stairs.

“No way in hell Jaime!” Brienne yelled down the stairs. Jaime pouted and then went to the fridge and grabbed a can of coke.

 _“Brienne will kill me if I drink Red Bull now.”_ He thought to himself, as he opened the can and took a couple of gulps.

xXxXxXxXxXxXx

“Gal? What’s screwing?” Joanna asked. Galladon sighed as he looked at his little sisters, who both stared at him, looking for the answers.

“It’s something that you two will find out about when you hit puberty.” Galladon replied.

“Who’s puberty?” Alysanne asked.

“And why would we want to hit him, or her?” Joanna asked. Galladon started to hit his head against the wall as Joanna and Alysanne began to ask him even more awkward question.

 _“I’m never trying to answer questions from kids,_ ever _again.”_ Galladon thought, as Joanna and Alysanne demanded answers to all their questions.

“Come on Gal!” Joanna asked.

“Tell us Gal!” Alysanne added.

“Go ask Mum and Dad!” Galladon exclaimed, then ran to his room. _“Maybe Dad’s tower idea isn’t such a bad one. When I have daughters I’m locking them in a tower.”_ Galladon thought, as he slammed his bedroom door closed.

 **“He threatened to chop my hair off and lock me in a tower! Or send me to a Septa School!”** Arianne shrieked, in her room next door. She must have been talking to Elia Targaryen, or one of her other friends. Galladon shook his head.

 _“Definitely building a tower and just locking the girls in there until they’re old enough to go out into the world.”_ Galladon thought as he buried his head under one of his pillows, trying to block out Arianne’s yelling. _“Best idea Dad’s ever had.”_ Galladon added.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading until the end. I hope you all enjoyed. Please feel free to leave a comment and let me know how insane this is. LOL!
> 
> Also, I've created a blog, where I put up Quotes from Game of Thrones and A Song of Ice & Fire, with a background that relates to the family they're from. Of course there will be special backgrounds for Bastards and people without family names, like Varys. So feel free to check it out and if you want to see any particular quotes go up, I'll be happy to do it. (nods)
> 
> Here's the Link - https://www.tumblr.com/blog/got-asoiaf-quotes


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